1. Generosity
- To each other, our selves, and others
- Giving freely of time, attention, effort, care, listening, acceptance, friendship, understanding, and loving-kindness.
- A relationship that fosters a sense of abundance, not depletion, so that giving feels effortless and joyful.
2. Virtue
- A commitment to act virtuously, to the best of our ability, no matter the circumstances.
- A commitment to live by the five precepts to the best of our ability: to protect life, only take what is freely given, not harm with sexual energy, be truthful, and abstain from drugs and alcohol.
- A relationship containing enough space, freedom, and independence that virtue feels healthy, natural, even joyful.
3. Renunciation
- The mindful, skillful, and appropriate renunciation of certain thoughts, actions, and/or speech that is harmful to our relationship and/or ourselves.
- Interest in and exploration of the way our relationship might challenge us to be less attached to (and even eventually renounce) certain beliefs, preferences, opinions, habits of thought, behaviors, etc.
- Willingness to, in certain appropriate contexts, renounce something we desire for the sake of the other and/or the relationship. This action would include the trust and knowledge that the other would do the same for us.
- A relationship built on enough trust, respect, loving-kindness, and stability that renunciation does not feel harmful, wrong, or imbalanced, and increases our feeling of abundance rather than leaving us feeling depleted.
4. Wisdom
- A commitment to the practice of thinking, acting, and living with a sense of the greater reality and the essential truths of existence. Doing our best to always come back into contact with the essential truth of impermanence, including ourselves and our relationship.
- A wise knowledge of our own challenges, insecurities, and shortcomings.
- A relationship that deepens wisdom and understanding of all of this, and all the rest.
5. Energy
- A relationship permeated by positive energy: the energy of care and interest that we put into it, and the enlivening, healing energy we get out of it.
- Energy manifesting as continued interest in each other as people; going on adventures and challenging ourselves and each other; lively engagement with life (including openness and wonder); giving each other new energy when one of us is low.
6. Patience
- In general, with each other and ourselves.
- Not expecting superhuman capabilities: patience with shortcomings, weaknesses, negative patterns, insecurities, humanity, mistakes, “baggage.”
- A relationship that actually helps us deepen and broaden our reservoirs of patience.
7. Honesty
- A commitment to communicate clearly, honestly, and openly at all times (balancing our truthfulness with kindness), with ourselves and each other.
- A relationship as a place of safety and trust, so that being honest does not feel dangerous.
8. Conviction
- Commitment to stay with each other (as long as it is healthy and skillful) through life’s ups and downs, knowing that it will not always be fun and/or easy, and having the determination to stay with it anyway.
- A relationship that is nurturing enough to give us the strength needed for conviction and that enriches our lives enough to make staying together worth it.
9. Loving-Kindness
- The foundation of relationship–the guide we refer to when we are uncertain.
- Figuring out what feels like loving-kindness to us as individuals.
- Helping each other to develop and cultivate loving-kindness toward ourselves, each other, and all beings.
- Both expressing it and knowing it is there without always needing it to be expressed.
10. Equanimity
Relationship, ultimately, as a place of safety, refuge, stability, and equanimity, bringing peace and contentment to both our lives.
Helping each other cultivate inner equanimity that will in turn bring more balance and stability to the relationship.
Equanimity being a place from which we can come into greater intimacy with ourselves, each other, and the whole of life.
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